


Without You

by enchanteddcalex



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Kind of Alternative Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24400237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enchanteddcalex/pseuds/enchanteddcalex
Summary: Just as if there are bachelor parties, and the wedding parties, the celebrations of divorce are common. The unusual element, and unwanted, there, were her feelings in chaos.
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot/Casey Novak
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> (please read) I'm from Brazil, which means that my native language is Portuguese. this English version was made with the support of my own knowledge of the language, which certainly does not compare to that of a native. I apologize for possible misspellings (which can inform me and I will be happy to correct). thank you, and good read. gio :)

The faint scent of lavender is permeated in the air, taking up every little space he could find. The small lilac flowers were in small arrangements on the high tables of the bar, giving a minimal touch of color to the dark tones that stood out and took over the walls.

There were also little party hearts, a big cliché of the celebration, which spread like small prints on the black satin of the curtains that were fixed on the wooden panel.

Alex sighed, contemplating her divorce's party once again. The nervous habit that had to roll the golden ring fervently around her finger seemed to intensify it at that moment, with the conclusion that it would not be there the next day. Completely anxious and a little sad, she left the place reserved for the occasion, which at that moment seemed like a sanctuary from her relationship with Casey.

When they were married seven years ago, they were two 25-year-old young adults who were caught up by passion. It was a small, intimate ceremony, just for close friends and family. But, although small, it was probably the happiest day of her life: when she said yes to the woman she loved, made her wedding vows, kissed with the same enchantment, but in a way to multiply until now, and especially when at the end of the night, they danced as close as they could; she would never forget the feeling of having her wife's arms around her waist and whispering thousands and thousands of times how much she loved her.

Then the enchantment was losing over the years. The cases working taked most of their time, the visits to court and police station were often frequent, the calls on dawn in search of a mandate were their companions, the overtime they spent in the office took up all their time, and the tired emotions that distilled one another in the other covered any trace of romantic feeling there present.

It was not as if the fire had gone out, or the cold in the belly that she felt every time Casey's green eyes strolled her body had disappeared; The constant fights had only taken all the time they could spend being human.

It was then that six months ago, she decided for a final point in the destruction they had become. She entered a divorce application, pushing any emotion as she signed her name herself with perfect calligraphy at the end of the leaf and also caused the greatest discussion they have already had, where of the little pieces of their hearts had broke and cut off both.

The cutting air that broke with the atmosphere of the hall shaked her hair and took off her thoughts of order. Exactly what she needed at the moment.

Although it was making a cold deadly in New York and she was without a coat, the goosebumps that rose through her spine gave her a distraction of the chaos that was inside of her and the feelings she had been holding away since it began with that whole process.

"Alex?" She heard the voice of the woman who's some time ago, she would almost die to embrace her and heat her in seasons as that. "You're going to die frozen here before really finally become part of the static"

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the joke — a pun with a part of her wedding vows, the phrase about "I hope we never become part of the high-divorce statistics of the United States." Which irones.

"Let's go in." She felt the warm hand pick up her and kindly guide her through the way. The already known butterflies she felt with the gesture bewildered her more yet.

"You came early, something happened?" The blonde asked, finally managed to recover, just when losing the contact they kept.

The redhead shrugged, and seemed to repair for the first time in the decoration of the place.

"I had time left." Her eyes walked through the satin in the center of the place. "It seems like some relative my died in the office; Everyone says they've sorry and give me pats on the back. Imagine what will they say when see the rest of the today's funeral event."

Alex laughed, more by collective delirium than for grace. She felted that way, preparing for a burial.

"In a way is a burial." She said before focus on the alliance. "The burial of what we used to be together."

She experienced the cup, swallowing without really enjoying the taste of the grape melted with alcohol, just praying for something that shut up the chaos of feelings within itself, worse and more as the "farewell votes" approached.

Alex regreted once more for having a devival party; Although it was striking was excruciating. Or maybe it was just for her, who even with all stones along the way was still in love with her wife - about to become ex.

In a kind of magic, "Come back .. Be here" began to play, accompanied by the redhead that sat down by her side, drinking from her own cup.

"How are you feeling?" Casey asked, diverting her eyes to anywhere.

Alex bite her low lip.

"Less sociable than I expected." She answered, taking more of the strong wine. She needed that alcoholic dose of courage. "Looks like a great event for the celebration of my heart broken, I do not know where I was with my head when I started with that idea."

The redhead laughed, and Alex noticed that without all life and joy ever.

"Really looks, even more with Taylor Swift in the background."

"It was a proper selection of songs, what better than the Red songs at a moment like that?"

"I just hope you've spared 'All Too Well'. " The redhead joked with the drink itself. "I've always prefer "Last Kiss."

Alex laughed, the biggest mood of that day.

"By God, you're going to do me discuss about Taylor Swift with you on the day of our divorce party?"

"No, I'll save you from the discord today." She also laughed.

Casey turned her face to face her, and she faced with Alex's blue eyes, watching her.

They were at times like those who hurted more. When they seemed to have a perfect familiar synchrony, and their looks have lost one another, caught up by the invisible and intense connection they had.

Just like moths attracted by the light, they approached further, and Alex could see more detail the collar with paper airplane pendant that redhead wore, shining in the porcelain skin. She felt the fingers of Casey taking away from the blonde hair that fell under her eyes and putting gently behind the ear.

"Alex, I..."

She was cut into the ceremonialist's voice in the microphone, calling them to the stage. It came the moment of their final votes.

The redhead took courage to pick up her hand again, letting the thousands of butterflies by Alex's stomach and walking with it side by side to the place indicated. The blonde in turn was frozen at the moment when she saw all the pairs of eyes straightened, waiting for something. That was a hundred time worst than in a trial.

The feeling that took over her by saying the rest of the sentence was completely sudden, and for a thread she did not have to support thanks the intensity. The feeling was that she was without air, that some unique type of loneliness and heart broke ad taken note of the numbness that she felt and united to growing anxiety. Telling those words out loud or basically register what was happening had made everything more real yet, and now there was no longer how to escape or avoid.

The blonde dared the lifting the face to see the redhead's reaction, finding the glimpse of common sadness, more intensive in that moment. She would miss that, how she could see a piece of her soul according to the change in the shade of green. Casey looked away.

And that's how it would end.

—

If she closed her eyes she could swear she was once again about to prepare for the first day in a court. The cacophony of voices that mixed the sound of "Shout Out of My Ex" made the little headache stronger still, and she would love to flee running from there.

Champagne circulated throughout the environment, almost as the true host of the party, accompanied by the other beverages that changed more and more air smell, replacing the lavender. There were snacks rolling loose too, and she thanked the ceremonialist who kept everything running and spared her out of the bigger concern.

"You want me to start?" Casey whispered in her ear, taking it and putting it on the trance again.

She opened her mouth to answer but neither had chances, since before that the redhead was in front of the microphone and prepare to speak.

"I do not know well where to start, just like the day of our marriage."

The redhead said, sighing and gathering the courage. Alex stood beside her, staring at her.

"I'm good at writing my openings in judgments, or the final conclusions. I know organize evidence perfectly, and keep all the attention on me when I need. I can debate any subject i know for hours, and demonstrate trust even when it comes to the one I do not know. But it is absurd that when it comes to you Alex, I suddenly lose all my certainties."

Alex took a deep breath, and little the confusion inside her was changing a course to another thing, which she did not feel a long time.

"I can never get anything with you, always become two extremes: fights or I do not even risk; I do not have any least of confident when you are by my side because I can not control me, and not even understand what is happening when you minimally bumps in my hand; I can never organize my favorite moments with you, they are so many, and I couldn't write my wedding vows as I could not write the divorce ones."

Casey told the last part looking in Alex's eyes, making the blonde clearly review the piece of his soul that was present in the greenish orbs.

"I abomine the situation in which we put us, and the situation that it took us. I hate that we spent so much time fighting instead of enjoying our relationship. I hate that I will never be able to hold your hand when you're afraid, or kiss you before bed. And especially, I will never get over that I left you go."

The redhead said the last part almost in a whisper, and just as everyone around, Alex could not divert the attention or her eyes from the woman in front of her.

All the words reverberated by the body of the blonde, breaking the barriers she was building in the last few years and reviving emotions she has already lost.

"Do not worry, I will not ask for a last kiss." Casey whispered once more in her ear, almost muffled by the screams and palms that halted around them.

Alex trapped their eyes one last time before pulling her hands and paste their mouths. The familiar synchrony that they moved as the touch evolved completed the feelings that emanated in electricity throughout her own body. Their tongues started a fight for power as the redheads firmly grabbed her waist, in a gesture she begged not to be the last time.

When they loose in search of air, with the swollen lips, she held the redhead for more time, felling in heaven with the contact that although it still occurred, there was time without the same intensity. It was as if she was once again falling for the woman in front of her, delivering without thinking and picking up without asking.

The green eyes exhaled the same mixed of feelings, with glimpses of lust added.

"Would it be too clichê if I asked you another chance to the sound of 'We are Never Ever Getting Back Together'?"

The redhead whispered in her ear, and she laughed as the classical goosebumps ran through her body.

"It would be perfect."


End file.
